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"A few weeks ago, while packing up after a speaking program for a high school’s support staff, I had the privilege of chatting with one of the custodians. His name was Frank.
Frank shared with me a story from his childhood, starring his father, a career Marine. The family operated pretty much as you might expect under the head of a someone who’d spent his whole life in the service and saw action in two wars. The kids had buzz cuts. The household was in perfect order. And when Dad spoke, you listened.
One day, during a family drive, Frank’s father came to a stoplight. He abruptly put the car in park and announced, “Alright everybody! It’s time for a fire drill -- everybody out of the car!” The rest of the family was temporarily stunned, but what choice did they have? An order was an order! Within moments, they joined the 5-foot-8-inch spark plug outside and did several laps around the parked car. Then he commanded the eldest son, who was only 13 at the time, to get in the front seat and drive.
“But Dad,” the son exclaimed. “I don’t know how to drive!”
“You can drive. Let’s go!”
Well, the son did what he was told, and after a few shaky, herky-jerky blocks, the dad ordered the car to a halt, saying with a chuckle, “You’re right. You can’t drive. I’ll take it from here.”
The family’s shared laughter lasted for miles and miles and years and years. According to Frank, from that day on, his dad was a changed man.
Frank’s father died last February from emphysema. While he was in the hospital, in the middle of his final battle, the old man reflected back on his years. With tears in his eyes, he declared that day to be the happiest day in his life. Not the day he was married. Not the day his kids were born. The day he ordered the Chinese fire drill. The family that was with him on that memorable day was with him as he shared his deathbed reflection. And that night, he passed way.
Not only had Frank’s dad seen war firsthand -- with an abundance of wounds to prove it -- he also watched his brother die in the attack on Pearl Harbor. At the time of the famous fire drill, his duty to turn boys into men and train them for war weighed heavily on him.
It’s hard for me to imagine the burden he carried and the nightmares that must have perpetually haunted him. But what a testament to the power of a small rebellion! Imagine it with me: a disciplined, serious, strait-laced Marine who one moment is navigating the family station wagon and the next is circling it wildly with reckless abandon, amidst a chorus of silly giggles and hearty chuckles.
Today, there are many people who are being asked to do more with less. Our world is still wracked with war. We hear story after story of people losing their jobs, their homes, their battle with cancer. Perhaps you are among them.
Life isn’t easy. Sometimes it seems too hard to bear. But no matter how hopeless or heavy it seems, hang in there.
You see, as difficult as things can get, I am encouraged and inspired by the fact that sometimes, a tiny action -- a decision to zig instead of zag -- can be more powerful than corporations, governments, or an army of powerful tanks.
So even if the cause seems lost or a solution out of sight, try instigating a small rebellion. Who knows? A random act of silliness may just turn the tide and turn today into the happiest day of your life.
Frank shared with me a story from his childhood, starring his father, a career Marine. The family operated pretty much as you might expect under the head of a someone who’d spent his whole life in the service and saw action in two wars. The kids had buzz cuts. The household was in perfect order. And when Dad spoke, you listened.
One day, during a family drive, Frank’s father came to a stoplight. He abruptly put the car in park and announced, “Alright everybody! It’s time for a fire drill -- everybody out of the car!” The rest of the family was temporarily stunned, but what choice did they have? An order was an order! Within moments, they joined the 5-foot-8-inch spark plug outside and did several laps around the parked car. Then he commanded the eldest son, who was only 13 at the time, to get in the front seat and drive.
“But Dad,” the son exclaimed. “I don’t know how to drive!”
“You can drive. Let’s go!”
Well, the son did what he was told, and after a few shaky, herky-jerky blocks, the dad ordered the car to a halt, saying with a chuckle, “You’re right. You can’t drive. I’ll take it from here.”
The family’s shared laughter lasted for miles and miles and years and years. According to Frank, from that day on, his dad was a changed man.
Frank’s father died last February from emphysema. While he was in the hospital, in the middle of his final battle, the old man reflected back on his years. With tears in his eyes, he declared that day to be the happiest day in his life. Not the day he was married. Not the day his kids were born. The day he ordered the Chinese fire drill. The family that was with him on that memorable day was with him as he shared his deathbed reflection. And that night, he passed way.
Not only had Frank’s dad seen war firsthand -- with an abundance of wounds to prove it -- he also watched his brother die in the attack on Pearl Harbor. At the time of the famous fire drill, his duty to turn boys into men and train them for war weighed heavily on him.
It’s hard for me to imagine the burden he carried and the nightmares that must have perpetually haunted him. But what a testament to the power of a small rebellion! Imagine it with me: a disciplined, serious, strait-laced Marine who one moment is navigating the family station wagon and the next is circling it wildly with reckless abandon, amidst a chorus of silly giggles and hearty chuckles.
Today, there are many people who are being asked to do more with less. Our world is still wracked with war. We hear story after story of people losing their jobs, their homes, their battle with cancer. Perhaps you are among them.
Life isn’t easy. Sometimes it seems too hard to bear. But no matter how hopeless or heavy it seems, hang in there.
You see, as difficult as things can get, I am encouraged and inspired by the fact that sometimes, a tiny action -- a decision to zig instead of zag -- can be more powerful than corporations, governments, or an army of powerful tanks.
So even if the cause seems lost or a solution out of sight, try instigating a small rebellion. Who knows? A random act of silliness may just turn the tide and turn today into the happiest day of your life.
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"Even the most positive, well-adjusted person in the world still falls victim to his or her own negative thoughts now and again. It’s human nature. It’s The Saboteur. It’s the price we pay for all that amazing human intelligence. But that doesn’t make it right.
Stop for a minute and listen to the voices in your head. Most of us have at least one or two on a constant loop, repeating the same negative —and often untrue— drivel day in and day out.
It’s such an unconscious pattern that many people hardly even notice it. They certainly don’t have to think about it. But it’s there, swirling around, causing all kinds of unspoken damage —things like stress, low self-confidence and fear of taking risks to name a few.
So why not hit the delete key on negative self-talk? Here’s how:
Stop for a minute and listen to the voices in your head. Most of us have at least one or two on a constant loop, repeating the same negative —and often untrue— drivel day in and day out.
It’s such an unconscious pattern that many people hardly even notice it. They certainly don’t have to think about it. But it’s there, swirling around, causing all kinds of unspoken damage —things like stress, low self-confidence and fear of taking risks to name a few.
So why not hit the delete key on negative self-talk? Here’s how:
- Open Your Ears
How can you improve a situation if you aren’t quite sure what it is? Before you can remove the negative self-talk, you have to sit with it and hang out. Get to know it a bit and let it be heard.
This isn’t easy. In fact, it can be downright painful. But, while you can consciously ignore these voices, your subconscious is at their mercy. So it’s time to bring them to the surface.
Sit down with a piece of paper and start the conversation. Invite the voices to take over. Make notes and don’t try to argue or reason or counter the horrible things you are hearing. Simply be with them.
But here’s the key: Set a timer. No more than 10 minutes should be spent entertaining these voices. Once the timer goes off, stand up and shake it off. Don’t fall into the rabbit hole.
Keep the paper with you over the next few days. Listen closely to your mental musings. Write down the common phrases that come up—the ones that dampen your spirits and discourage you. Note that sometimes they might sound like the voices of reason. But always be skeptical. “Sabotage” is often disguised as “logic”. - Reveal Limiting Beliefs
Once you truly understand what you’re up against, it’s time to start peeling back the layers. What’s beneath this nonsense? Where did it come from?
Sometimes, the source is easy to place. Some people say the voice is their father’s or grandmother’s or the voice of their third-grade teacher. But often it’s not so clear. All of your past experiences and mistakes just get rolled into a great big list of limiting beliefs—preconceived notions that keep you from moving forward in life. The beliefs are so strongly held that you actually treat them as facts. And these are the fodder for those nasty voices!
Beneath every word of negative self-talk, there’s a limiting belief that blinds you to the reality of the world and tricks you into fear and doubt. Bring these beliefs into the light and do some analysis. Most won’t stand up to a critical eye. - Stop Accepting It
The sad truth of the matter is that if we spoke to others the way we speak to ourselves, they’d probably accuse us of emotional abuse. Those awful, punishing words we throw in our own direction would simply be unacceptable if we hurled them at others. And, more than likely, we wouldn’t tolerate them coming our way from anyone else either. Yet, every day, we let them bounce around in our most sacred space—our mind—taking root and growing into complicated webs of negativity.
It’s time to declare a boycott. Take a stand. Start a revolution in your head. This doesn’t have to be a big, overblown act of defiance. Simply recognize that the thought patterns you’ve been living with are no longer welcome. Evict them. “Nice to know you. Goodbye.”
You may be tempted to skip this step but please don’t. Trust that there is unbelievable power in this recognition and in making the decision that something is no longer okay. - Affirm & Repeat
The final step in this process is to develop a strategy for resistance. In the past, you’ve been complacent, letting the negative self-talk just happen. No more, my friend. From here on out, you’re going to implement some counter-measures.
Since these voices are often so subtle as to go unnoticed, you need to create your own positive patterns of thought. The goal is to make these new statements just as unconscious as the current negative ones. And the best way to do that is through repetition.
Create a list of four or five specific, short and simple affirmations. Try to keep them present as well, so instead of saying “I will…” say “I am…” For example:- I am capable of meeting this challenge.
- I handle setbacks with grace and ease.
- I have the strength to overcome obstacles and reach my goals.
Repeat your personal affirmations as often as possible throughout the day. They are mantras that should become completely mindless over time. Whenever you notice a negative voice, push it out with your affirmation. While at first this may take conscious effort, eventually, it will become second nature.
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