How to Be Irresistible at Any Age

Many years ago, when I was a young fellow of 23, I said goodbye to my native England and journeyed to British Columbia. My heart said I would find meaning and freedom in that big, wild country. About a year after arriving in BC my entire life changed in an instant one summer afternoon.
A friend had arranged for me to meet a British lord named Martin Cecil. He was a member of a famous British family, a well-known B.C. cattleman and also leader of a spiritual community in the interior B.C.
I had a good job as a reporter in Victoria, B.C., but wanted to learn more about this community. I had a strong feeling that I would know, as soon as I met Martin Cecil, if I could trust him — and if the community was the right thing for me.
No sooner did he get out of his chair and walk toward me than I knew instinctively that I could trust him – and wanted to join the community. He was irresistible. He didn’t have to say a word. I felt the peace of his presence. I felt his integrity in his smile and in his clear blue eyes.
I felt the strength, love, wisdom and utter dependability of his character and the truth is I was part of the community he founded in the Cariboo country of BC for 36 years.

Do you want to be irresistible?

Do you want to be irresistible? It’s quite simple. All you have to do is to be true to your own true character, and express that character in living.
But how do we do that? How do we access the gold of love and truth that is buried deep in every one of us? And what is it anyway, this authentic character that is our true wealth and the greatest gift, really, that we have to give to our world?
Here are some ways to express true character
1. Learn from nature.
If you want to be irresistible, what better place to start than studying nature? Nature doesn’t seem to find it hard to be irresistible. Whether nature is being a daffodil, a tree, a hurricane, or the roar in a lion’s throat, it simply IS irresistible.
One of the things I love most about nature is its patience. Consider, for example, how a young tree grows. It takes its time. It doesn’t just try to push itself out of the ground by brute force, it spirals its way out of the ground – gently, but very persistently. I can say, after 79 years of living on this planet, that quaint though it may sound, this approach really works. It can get you through a lot of difficult situations, too.
2. Be still.
“Silence,” says an ancient Native Indian tradition “is the cornerstone of true character.” We live in a culture that is very oriented to doing and achieving. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But if we want to deepen our connection with our own being, with our own true character, we must take some time every now and again to simply be still.
“Be still, and know that I am God,” said the Psalmist, and the words are the compass of my life.
The interesting thing is that sometimes, a few moments consciously “not doing” can actually increase our creativity and productivity no end. It can also help us in connecting more deeply with our own inner wisdom. History is full of tales of famous people who had their “breakthrough” moments when, strangely enough, they weren’t doing anything. In fact they may have given up on their project altogether.
3. Be persistent.
I recently created a course on the theme of “happy aging” that I’m offering at my blog on May 23 entitled “How to look (and feel) 10 years younger: The true promise and potential of aging.” I share my own experience that aging is nothing to fear, but can be a door to true meaning and happiness at any age. And I share how though our physical form ages, our unconquerable spirit never grows old.
I can tell you that finishing “The True Promise and Potential of Aging” over the last few months with serious help from Mary Jaksch of the A-List Blogger Club has been like giving birth.
It’s called for every ounce of persistence that is in me. Please don’t give up on any true and worthwhile endeavor in which you may be engaged. Don’t give up on a single one of your dreams or goals, if they are true dreams and true goals. We live in a benevolent universe and all you need is persistence and a little wisdom and your dreams will come true.
4. Value little moments as much as big ones.
When we are expressing true character we appreciate the little moments of life and care for them to the best of our ability just as much as we honor the “big” moments.
I used to marvel at how my mentor, Martin, would take so much care with cutting his lawn or fixing a broken toilet. Walking into a coffee shop, for example, or into a food market, listening to a stream or watching children at play – it’s all an opportunity to step back from our conditioned existence and celebrate the joy and spontaneity of life.
5. Love balance.
We live in a loving universe that relies on balance. If we would be true to our own true character we too must love balance and seek balance at all times. For example, it seems paradoxical, but only the strong can be gentle. And although I find great delight, especially as I get older, in sometimes simply sitting in a chair doing nothing, life demands action and creativity too.
6. Be interested in other people.
If you really want to be irresistible, be genuinely interested in what someone else is interested in. If you can find out what makes someone excited or happy – their eyes will glow and friendship will flow.
7. Be kind.
Be kind to yourself and others. Sometimes, caught up in some important task, we put undue pressure on ourselves or another. It’s important to be kind and gracious to everything and everyone we meet. It is not weak to be kind. It is a mark of true character — it reveals the love at the core of our being.

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12 very amusing and funny drawings!

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Funny pictures of policemen!

fu

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The Myth of Discipline

It’s one of the most prevalent myths of our culture: self discipline.
The myth is larger than life. Benjamin Franklin had it, with his waking early, his virtues checklist and his daily reflection. The best athletes have it, with the discipline to train harder than anyone else to win the gold. My readers often think that I am more disciplined, after reading My Story and the list of habits and accomplishments I’ve achieved, from exercise to waking early to saving money.
It’s all a myth.
I’m hoping that if you accept that it’s a myth, you’ll be released from the guilt of not being disciplined, you’ll be empowered to create the habits you want without the need of the mythical discipline.

Why Discipline is a Myth

I’ve written about the illusion of discipline for almost 4 1/2 years now, but it’s necessary to revisit the topic now and then. Especially when I read otherwise excellent posts still spreading the myth. So I need to put an end to this myth right now.
Here’s the thing — discipline sounds like a perfectly valid concept, until you dig a little deeper. Consider the first line of the post I linked to above:

Discipline is not a mystery.

Except that it is. What is discipline? How much of it do you have? How do you get more of it? If by practice, how do you practice if you don’t have any in the first place? If you don’t feel like doing something, how do you use discipline to force yourself to do it?
I’ve had many conversations with people who believe strongly in the myth of discipline. It usually goes something like this:
Me: What is discipline, exactly? How is it different than motivation (which is a set of actions we can actually do)?
Friend: Motivation is like pulling you toward something, making yourself want to do it. Discipline is pushing you to do something, making yourself do something you don’t want to do.
Me: OK, so if I have no discipline, how do I get it?
Friend: You practice. It’s a muscle that gets stronger as you practice.
Me: How do I practice if I have no discipline?
Friend: Just do something small, then keep practicing over and over.
Me: But it takes discipline to do that. What specific action do I take to make myself do something if I don’t want to do it?
Friend: You push yourself to do it anyway.
Me: But that takes discipline that I don’t have. OK, let’s say I’m sitting on the couch and I want to go out and run, or get up and write. How do I make myself do that? What specific action do I take?
Friend: Hmmm. You visualize about the end result, something that you want.
Me: That’s a motivation action, not a discipline action.
Friend: OK. Then you set up rewards. No, that’s motivation. Hmmm. You psyche yourself up and tell yourself you can do it. No, that’s motivation too. You tell people you’re going to do it. No, motivation too. You focus on the enjoyable aspects of it … or, maybe you only do the things you like doing. No, those are motivation things. Huh.
Every single specific action you can take to make yourself do something is motivation. Not discipline.
And that’s why discipline is a myth. It might sound good, but it’s not a useful concept. When it comes to taking specific actions to make yourself do something, the only things you can do are motivation. Not discipline. I’ve challenged people to come up with a discipline action that isn’t motivation for years now, and no one has done it.
If you’re interested in learning about motivation

Build Habits for Consistency

When people talk about wanting discipline in their lives, they usually mean they want to be more consistent at something. Maybe that’s exercise, or meditation, or writing, or some other creative activity, or finances, or eating, or productivity at work.
These are all doable without the concept of discipline. What you want is to build habits instead.
Habits are not well understood by most, which is why I’ve created The Habit Course. In the course, I explore the concept of triggers, positive and negative feedback loops, consistency, motivation, accountability, support, and other things that help form habits.
But none of these are nebulous concepts. They are all specific actions you can take to form a habit. If you want to be consistent about something, take the actions necessary to make it a habit. Start small at first, so you can successfully build the habit. Once it’s ingrained as an actual habit (which can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months), you can expand on it from there.
Habits are the key to consistency. Not discipline.
And I can attest: once you’ve built a consistent, positive habit, it’s a wonderful thing. You feel disciplined, and strong, and good, even if you’re a living embodiment of a myth.
It’s kinda like how the Greek gods must feel.

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The Simplest Way To improve Your Creativity, Health, And Relationships

We called him Radio Bill. He was an eccentric man who could be seen all over town walking the streets with his Walkman radio attached to headphones on his ears. He was the Forrest Gump of our small town.

For myself and my fellow high school students, there was something unsettling about Radio Bill. He was odd. A misfit. A person living at the edge of society. He was always alone, never participated in any group activities, was a watcher instead of a joiner, and seemed forever lost in his own radio world. When you’re fifteen, an eccentric like Radio Bill, who’s living on the fringe of “normal”, is not to be trusted.

Now, nearly thirty years later, I’ve become my own version of Radio Bill. I wonder if perhaps he was onto something important. Maybe he had wisdom that none of us in high school could have begun to understand or appreciate.

Like Radio Bill, I walk (or run) all over the neighborhood, almost always with my earbuds in my ears and my iPod on my hip. I walk mostly alone - a watcher, rather than a joiner. I can often be seen with my camera, oblivious to the world while I get lost in the simple beauty of a flower or leaf. I’m sure, to the local high school students, I look a little eccentric watching society from the fringes and not always participating in the things that seem “normal” to them.

Thankfully, in the years between high school and now, I’ve learned to care a lot less about what makes me seem normal. I have also learned that there is great wisdom and strength in being a walker. Radio Bill and Forrest Gump definitely knew something that the rest of us forget as we climb into our cars and rush to our next destination.

Walk to improve your health
The most obvious argument for walking is your health. Walking may not get as much buzz as running or yoga or high-intensity workout programs like “The Shred”, but a regular walking routine helps strengthen your heart, alleviate depression, prevent diabetes, and strengthen your bones. Research shows that postmenopausal women who walk approximately one mile each day have higher whole-body bone density than women who walk shorter distances, and walking is also effective in slowing the rate of bone loss from the legs.

Walking helps your brain too. In a study on walking and cognitive function, researchers found that women who walked the equivalent of an easy pace at least 1.5 hours per week had significantly better cognitive function and less cognitive decline than women who walked less than 40 minutes per week.

Walk to slow your pace
We live in a fast-paced world. In our schedule-oriented lifestyles, the clock is our greatest master. We have deadlines to follow through on, appointments to attend, expectations to meet, meals to cook, classes to attend, kids to chauffeur to soccer games - you name it. Our brains barely know how to slow down because of the high level of demands placed on them.

Walking forces you to slow down to a more human pace. It gives you breathing space between the appointments and deadlines. It provides badly-needed balance for your body and your brain. It takes you away from the over-stimulation of the wired world and gives you stillness and space for reflection and contemplation.

Maintain life at a fast pace without finding any balance, and you’ll soon face burnout. Learn to slow down through walking, and your body and mind will thank you.

Walk to enhance your creativity
“It is on these walks that my best ideas come to me. It is while walking that difficult clarity emerges.” Julia Cameron, Walking in This World.

When we get too busy with “doing” and don’t dedicate enough time to “thinking”, we lose our creative edges. We start pumping out widgets just like everyone else in the assembly line instead of focusing on the next innovative idea that will replace the widget.

Walking is all about creating space for “thinking” that has nothing to do with “doing”. When you walk, your mind has time to meander down different pathways than the ones it normally gets stuck in during more productivity-oriented activities. Your mind doesn’t have to fill itself with concerns about whether the erratic driver next to you is going to cut you off, or where your next turn-off is. All you need to do is put one foot in front of the other and let your mind wander down paths of its own.

There’s a difference between a rut and a groove. A rut is an old pattern, formed from many, many years of doing things the same way again, and again. When we rely on high speed transportation because that’s the acceptable and fast way to get from destination A to destination B, we get stuck in ruts. A groove, on the other hand, offers us flow and opportunity, like the grooves on an old LP. When we get into a groove, magic happens. Walking gets us out of the ruts and into the grooves.

Walk to gain new perspective on your surroundings
“Nothing brings home the beauty and power of the world that we live in like walking.” Julia Cameron, Walking in This World.

There’s nothing like walking down a street you’ve driven down a thousand times to make you realize what you’ve been missing all of these years. Maybe you missed the quaint little coffee shop tucked in behind the hardware store. Maybe you missed the wild crocuses growing at the edge of the vacant lot. Maybe you missed the poster on the community bulletin board advertising an art show you’d love to visit.

Walking offers us opportunities to savour what we otherwise take for granted. It also helps us see the world differently than most other people do (especially those rushing past in cars). Throughout history, people who offered prophetic wisdom that shifted cultures were often pilgrims and wanderers - people walking different paths than the majority of society. Like Radio Bill, they were the watchers rather than the joiners - the witnesses at the edge of the crowd.

Like the simple wisdom that emerged from Forrest Gump (remember “Life is like a box of chocolates”?), walking may open your mind to new nuggets of wisdom and new perspectives that help you influence the world in positive ways.

Walk to engage with the people around you
Although I normally walk alone, I also cherish the many wonderful conversations I’ve had while out for a stroll. When I go on business trips, for example, I always find myself walking through interesting neighborhoods in the cities I visit. Walking affords me the opportunity to connect with the local people in ways that faster forms of transportation do not. While walking, you can stop to chat with the man tending the flowers in front of his house, or the woman hanging a poster in a shop window. You can learn interesting things about people and about the neighborhood that you’d never learn in your car.

Even in your own neighborhood, walking affords you tremendous advantages that you just won’t get in a car. You’ll get to know the neighbors better if you walk past their houses and stop to say hello. You’ll know more about the local businesses and what they’re offering. You’ll understand the challenges your neighbourhood is facing and you’ll see yourself in the picture more.

It’s easy to separate yourself from your community when your regular routine is to hop into your car and leave the neighborhood for work, shopping, entertainment, etc., but when you walk, you build connections that will benefit both you and your neighbors.

Walk to deepen your spirituality
“It is while walking that I experience a sense of well-being and connection, and it is walking that I live most prayerfully.” Julia Cameron, Walking in this World.

In almost every faith tradition, there is some version of a pilgrimage. Most pilgrimages end in some sort of Mecca or sacred place. In Spain, for example, thousands of pilgrims walk the Camino de Santiago, an 800 kilometer walk that ends at a cathedral built to honor St. James (of Biblical tradition).

Pilgrimage is seen as a way of getting closer to God. There’s something about the contemplative speed of walking that still attracts many people who feel themselves disconnected from their spiritual centers.

You don’t have to go to a foreign country to go on pilgrimage. You just need to walk in a contemplative, mindful way and open yourself up to the spiritual connection that the walking can offer. It may not meet the definition of a traditional pilgrimage, but a walk through your neighborhood park can do a lot to connect you with nature and with God. In some neighborhoods you can find labyrinths that have been designed specially to help you make your walking more contemplative.

Just walk.

The beauty of walking is that you don’t need any special equipment (just a good pair of walking shoes), you don’t need to take any lessons (you’ve been doing this since you were in diapers), and you don’t need to pay for any club memberships. Just tie up your shoelaces and walk.

You probably won’t walk across the country like Forrest Gump, but you might soon find that you’re healthier, happier, and more connected with your neighbors and your own spiritual center.

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What is friendship?

What is friendship? Well, it would be long and hard to explain, but these pictures say it all.

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It was Barack himself who found Osama

I wrote recently about the fact that Osama Bin Laden might not really be dead after all. Well, dead or not, we now have the proof that it was Barack Obama  himself who found Osama Bin Laden! A Hide And Seek game that lasted 10 years. George W. Bush began the game, but he retired before the end of it!

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Very cool…

For those who have a hard time reading the small prints, here is what it says:

“I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth.

Then I ask myself the same question.”

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Funny Bed Covers

I did not know bed covers could be funny, but trust me, they can be very cool and funny! You don’t believe me?

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Jumbo Muffins!!!

They are not called “Jumbo Muffins” for nothing!!

A very good way to advertise big muffins!

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Woman at the beach

Nothing very special about a woman at the beach. But wait!!!

No, this one is very special!!! Cool picture, right?

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A Beautiful Island!

A very beautiful island! I wouldn’t mind spending my vacations there… Too bad it is not for real…

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Sand sculpture

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Road-kill hair

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For a price of a phone-call

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Lunch break

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Modern art

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Pay-phone upgrade

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Tape art

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Help me up

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See no evil

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Can you see a bird?

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Crowd-sourcing

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Creative using of food

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